cerys fletcher
first,
Ants burned & rolled into crumbs. Small things gathered / by & large. Kidney stones, airplanes. I said I’m sorry I am in a terrible rush. I said / come look at me anyway. Come feel my / dry elbows & hoist me over your shoulder. / Everything that ever was, / frustratingly, will always be. How it felt to burn down the boatshed was / Good. / How it felt to leave was like how / I picked at your door once / felt the contours of the hard wood. Felt the stiff-
/ Jointed dance of a short-distance love. Felt the / kidney stones rattling, miles before / I spoiled dinners, broke chairs / cackled like a fire / pretended to have anything to tell you at all, just hoping you would stay. The / dry shadow of a hanging flower / opened and stretched like tree gum. Once, small things showed me love & I / positioned two mirrors so they kissed and bounced between each other forever. This / slowed the guilt. My kidney stones will be buried with me. Their / rich weight will drag the metal birds to the / sea. I want nothing
/ To do with you & your good body. Why on earth would I want this to feel nice. I / undid the boatshed: the lake was empty for years. / I don’t think I would know how to light a match now. I just know how to breathe. / It made me a zoo animal. I don’t think I would know how to be
small now. I am too good at love.
Cerys Fletcher is twenty and probably wants to be your friend.