dadon rowell
sensitive to chemicals
I want to split myself open
tooth to navel like a pomegranate
Tear my flesh with animal claws
so I can paint my lips red and be heard
The doctor sends me out of the room because I’m only 13
so he can tell my mother
I’m a lazy
little
liar
I want attention
And yes sir, I do want attention
I want your stethoscope to hear the clank of my lungs colliding as their house shrinks
& i don’t think they gave you that white coat to call little girls names where they could hear through the door & your gold nameplate isn’t worth spit when you tell me my pain isn’t real &
please my throat is closing
it’s my womb
migraines are just hormones
my lungs are too full of menstrual
blood to inflate properly
girls are complicated
Why doesn’t she take up cycling like
my kids
My children are healthy, yours is too
& sir, i am not complicated, i just need oxygen & i didn’t think that was too much to ask & how can ovulation explain why there’s only carbon dioxide inside me
if i put a baby inside me, will you let me breathe?
& i’m only 13 but i thought i was allowed to ask for air
Anaphylaxis from chemicals isn’t real
will my mother sign a consent so he can take me to the lab
put polyurethane in my nostrils to prove liar
liar, capillaries on fire
someone ought to teach her a lesson
make her
toughen
up
And Lynx is deodorant
it can’t cause
allergic reactions
i love my mother because we leave & she tells him he’s not our doctor anymore
he just smiles & when we pay the bill the receptionist smirks because my mother is an angry woman/an asterisk to beware of/in my file/next to diagnosis liar.
& i’ve said lots that isn’t true/like telling my friend Jamie she looks hot in short shorts/or how i got the chip in my front tooth/ but i’ve never/lied about wanting to breathe/&/tears are real when there’re cinderblocks in my ribcage //& i’m just 13 i don’t want to die choking on the meat of my oesophagus
i don’t want to die because my science teacher tells me to sit down/be quiet/when they’re pouring cyclohexane to test polarities/& the air is a pillow stuffed in my mouth
& no drs note means not true/drama queen/don’t be a girl/attention whore/
means gag quietly
Dadon Rowell is a Kirikiriroa-based poet who just completed her English Masters at the University of Waikato. Her work has featured in Mayhem, Food Court, Poetry NZ, Sweet Mammalian's Exquisite Corpse issue and Aotearotica. Most recently she co-won the NZYWF 24 hour Flash Fiction Competition.
Please note that due to its formatting, ‘Sensitive to Chemicals’ is best viewed on a tablet or computer.