Silas Poad
on healthcare as a transsexual
the day after i found out funding was cut for top surgery, i was the most dysphoric i had been in a year
my only other options were to pay out of pocket, or wait an uncertain amount of time hoping it would be brought back
i of course did not have a spare 17 thousand dollars, so i digress
i woke up and went about my day, and i was wrong
the opaque wall i’d built between my mind and body was shattered
our beautiful agreement to disconnect the two had finally faltered
i was my body again and everyone i saw was a reminder of the disgusting thing i inhabited
i was 14 again and everything was a size too small
i was being suffocated and there was nothing i could do to loosen my skin
it drew tight across my ribs until they shattered
they broke through my skin and punctured my lungs; i was never meant to breathe anyway
i was one of the cicadas that hadn’t come that summer
stuck in my shell, screaming and trying to claw my way out to no avail
in a few months my husk would be found empty, and whoever come across it would wonder
where i’d been that year
i think if i have to wait much longer, i’ll cut this body open myself
Silas Poad is an aspiring poet from Tauranga. When he's not writing, he enjoys fiber art, thrifting, and wasting time at punk shows. He’s been known to describe himself as a ‘disabled artist and pansy forever’.