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Harold Coutts

i stole a line of this poem from someone else

oh my lord, i am playing with knives
i’m starving but i’m not together
i cannot collect my ligaments enough
to sway to the kitchen

my gender is inside my room,
and my lack of gender is tar in my arm hair
gluing my body to itself,
but now my gender is picking up my favourite sweater and walking out of the room without saying goodbye
and my lack of gender unlocked my phone and is remaking my tinder

i shot sharks in an arcade
and sunk four balls in a row
but nothing is enough without you, dear

(imagine me coiled on a hard surface,
glass of wine in hand
i am wearing only red
i say this to you with complete calm
now imagine the opposite)

my gender and lack thereof are arm wrestling on my ribcage
their elbows pushing against my new tattoo
kneading it under my bones
’til i am $100 cooler on the inside
i forget what they are fighting about

i’m beginning to forget how to be in love
but i can’t forget the safety

harold coutts was born and raised in Nelson but calls Wellington home. They have a self-published poetry collection called Fissures in Flowers. harold spends a lot of their time reading and working on what they hope will be their debut novel.