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Caroline Shepherd

youth, saturated

I keep forgetting to write in my stupid
diary which is annoying because if I don’t write
down the Teenage Experience then how
will I ever remember it

For all the times I forget,
this is what it was: a blue-white
hallway, legs in the sun, pretending you didn’t
see someone when you did, muggy
boredom, rain on your workbook, a ghost town of real girls,
waiting for something we didn’t have a name for, someone distantly
calling my name

night confessions

dream I had: me at the bottom of the ocean, sand in my skin, skull sloshing, fingers pruned

dream I had: me, slivers of moonlight in my hands, wrap them in paper, give them to my mother come christmas

dream I had: me, sitting on an iceberg, the sky is the bluest it has ever been, the water laps at my toes, I am not afraid

dream I had: me, an exam room, a thousand empty desks, all the doors are locked

dream I had: me in my own head forever, a churning cog, the walls are rotting, it is only dark here

dream I had: me with my little sister, burning our old swing set, the memories a knot between us, a deep-rooted thing

dream I had: me in the schoolyard, all of us talking over each other, skinny limbs ravelled together, waiting for our lives to begin like we wait for boys to call

dream I had: me at a dog’s funeral, the yard is too hard to dig, someone’s aunt is crying, we’re all wringing our hands

dream I had: me with the sadness pulled out, stacked up on the concrete, the wind whistles through me, making noise out of all that hollow

dream I had: me in a shaking airplane, ground roaring up to meet us, my heart a mound of blood, a weak thing after all

dream I had: me, the silence, the pen, the words, and       the rest of it

Caroline Shepherd is a seventeen-year-old high school student who has previously been published in StarlingSignals and Re-Draft. She dreads driving and shoe shopping, but enjoys banana chocolate chip muffins.